Great Wall of Chinatown

John Wall has agreed and signed a maximum contract extension worth approximately $80 million over five years. Our boy is getting paid to stay!!!

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It’s a smart move for the Wizards despite Wall’s inability to stay healthy or make an all-star appearance through 3 years in DC. He has shown he has great potential and has done everything possible to be deemed as the face of the franchise. No one can argue that he is the Wizard’s most electrifying player.

Wall produced at the level of an elite point guard in the final two months of last season and we’re hoping it wasn’t just for a pay day. This contract is the 3rd highest contract in franchise history behind gun slinging Gilbert Arenas and Juwan Howard. 

Overall we’re happy with the signing and are hopeful this will lead to a playoff berth this season.

5 out of 5 mangos for the deal. WELCOME BACK AYYYYY!!!!

Gangster of the Week: Alley Rat

Finders keepers losers weepers. This NSFW video can be served as a PSA for any neighborhood association because it clearly states the law of the land. If anything is in the alley it’s fair game. 

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 Moral of the story….mind your business if it doesn’t have your name on it.

Bamma of the Week: Instagram Selfie Time

The current fad of blasting everyone’s feed with annoying selfies continues yet again with a pair of cousins who decided to snap a quick pic before allegedly robbing a local hamburger restaurant.

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A K-9 unit was able to track down the girls to their grandparents’ apartment where they found a knife and cell phone that contained the image above. Only one of the girls, a 17-year-old, is old enough to be tried. Her court date has been set for August 2nd.

The next time you and your “partner in crime” try to mimic Thelma and Louise ladies, make sure you fight your natural urge of taking a selfie and also make sure your eye holes are even. There is no word on whether or not duck lips were involved at the time of the picture. Death to selfies!

 

http://www.thelocal.se/49260/20130725/

 

Virgin Mobile FreeFest

The highly anticipated Virgin Mobile FreeFest will return Sept. 21 to Merriweather Post Pavilion.

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The line-up to us is pretty weak considering we’re deemed as haters but there are a couple headliners that may be worth seeing like Robin Thicke or Kaskade. Free is a magical price so beggars can’t be choosers. 

Tickets to the festival will be available Aug. 9 at noon via Ticketfly; a “pre-sale,” available to Virgin Mobile Facebook fans and previous FreeFest ticketholders (among others), will be Aug. 8.

Anything you can do I can do better. We salute this US Airman for dunking with power in fatigues and boots.

Our boy is showing why he deserved his huge max contract. Happy he’s finally healthy and can’t wait until the season starts.

It’s So Hard Out Here For a Pimp

According to Reuters, former IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn will be tried on charges of pimping, prosecutors said on Friday, capping an inquiry into sex parties attended by a man whose French presidential hopes were dashed by a separate 2011 U.S. sex scandal.

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Strauss-Kahn is being charged with “aggravated pimping” because it allegedly involves more than one prostitute. In case you’re wondering, this crime consists of a maximum term of up to 10 years with a fine of $2 million. 

Dominique can now fully live by the phrase “pimpin’ ain’t easy.”

Gangster of the Week: Playa’s Club

Tara Mishra, 33, of Rancho Cucamonga, was awarded back the $1+ million that was confiscated from her by Nebraska state troopers. A car filled with Mishra’s associates and her money were pulled over for speeding. Police asked to search the car and eventually found the stacks of cash.

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Naturally when you find a million dollars you assume its drug related which led to the confiscation. In “reality” the money was in fact going to be used for a legitimate business venture.

Police did not find any evidence of drug activity in the car and a K-9 analysis found only trace elements of illegal drugs on the cash. 

After a year of headaches, a judge ruled that since the police failed to find evidence of drug activity the cash had to be returned. Somehow Tara Mishra convinced the courts that a stripper can save and raise a cool milli one dollar at a time.

We salute you, Cochina. 

 

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/07/judge-orders-1-million-returned-to-exotic-dancer/

Paula Deen : Hoecake Edition

A new allegation yet similar feel regarding Paula Deen and her treatment of former employees has just surfaced in a New York Time’s interview. Image

Deen’s long time cook and “soul sister” is claiming that Paula asked her and another employee to dress up as Aunt Jemima while preparing food for guests. Of course Deen is playing the same song and dance and is denying all the allegations. Just when you think you have read it all you get something juicier when you least expect it. Can’t wait for next week’s scoop!

 Here’s a glimpse into the interview. 

“Ms. Jones was also in charge of making hoecakes, the cornmeal pancakes served to every guest. Ms. Deen had designed a station so diners could watch them being made. At both jobs, Mrs. Charles and other employees said, Ms. Deen wanted Ms. Jones to dress in an old-style Aunt Jemima outfit.”

Anthony Weiner, or ‘Carlos Danger,’ kept sending lewd messages

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